Thursday, November 29, 2012

Coming Soon: Motivation & Truth

After writing my last blog I thought I'd wait a few days to let the words saturate...a few days turned into a few weeks which turned into a few months. Ten months to be exact. To be honest I really did want to get back into the habit of blogging but it always seemed to get away from me. I'm not sure if I ever was really a consistent "blogger" but boy did I try to be. And try again I will!

A few days ago I was spending time in prayer, seeking encouragement desperately (per usual) and I had this overwhelming feeling that I should look at my old prayers. I've always wanted to sit down and read all my prayers from the past few years but the thought gets away from me and I soon forget about it. Well this time was different. This time I the feeling was so strong that I stopped in the middle of my prayer, picked up my first prayer journal and opened it to the first page. To my amazement I noticed that it was dated three years ago exactly. I read it and was so encouraged by the work the Lord has done in my life! I decided to post in on instagram because of the encouragement I felt and I was overwhelmed by the amount of people that were also encouraged by it.

During a conversation sparked by my instagram post I suddenly realized that other people feel the same as I. Other people are tired and seeking the Lord whole heartily but find themselves deeply unmotivated at times. Real Talk: sometimes when I see my friends posting different things on different social media sites about their walk or their bible on a table at a coffee shop, it strangely discourages me. (That's not to say I think they should stop, I pray they will continue on! I know it warms so many hearts!) The reason it discourages me is, it makes me think I am weird for not desiring God at every moment of my life. It discourages me because it makes me think I am doing something wrong. Even at times, the devil has taken these insecurities and ran so far as to cause me to believe that I am not even one of the Lord's beloved. Even after cognitively acknowledging that those thoughts are not true, I still find myself believing the evil one.

That all being said, in the whirlwind of it, I felt the Lord really telling me I needed to share more. When my friends and loved ones told me how encouraged they were by my honest and helpless prayer, and even more, by what the Lord had done through those prayers, I felt it was almost necessary to spill more out and use it to glorify the Creator.

So, my vision is to post bits & pieces of my old prayers, adding new insights and what the Lord has shown me, each week. I've lifted this up to the Lord and I pray with all I have that this will be used to glorify God 100% and not me even in the slightest. I hope by being honest and sharing where I was just a few short years ago and pointing it back to Jesus will give Him all the glory. I also pray it will motivate others to continue on and not give up! I pray that others will see my struggles and feel that they are not alone!

A wise, wise friend once told me Psalms is a wonderful piece of the Bible because it keeps us honest. One psalm might say "God I see you everywhere! I see you in the grass! In the sky! You are the air I breathe!" While the following one reads "God I can't find you. Where are you! Why have you deserted me." 

This is so true for my life! I am hoping my prayers can shed light on the true struggles we face. My theology is a little spotty at times and I may have been slightly confused about how to approach God but my love for Jesus is (and was) pure and hopeful.  Of course I will omit all names & minor details but for the most part I promise to give you 
candid. struggles. triumphs. Jesus. forever. 

Friday, February 3, 2012

starting fresh (again)

So it's been a year.

1 year since I started one of the greatest adventures of my life.

So much has changed. Life keeps moving forward and I keep telling myself I'm going to catch up with it but I think it might be impossible. In a good way.

After much consideration, I decided to put all my old blogs on a different page. They are still accessible (also after much consideration) but this year I really want to start fresh. I know that my past is real and I have been through so many great things, which is why I chose to export them onto a different blog. Feel free to access them whenever you'd like. rlmccallold.blogspot.com

Now the good stuff: I want to start fresh. With all my old blogs hanging over my head I felt like I wasn't able to be honest. I felt like my blog was somewhere I went when I was feeling insightful, not somewhere I could go when I felt burdened or needed to confess areas I was weak. This blog will be an actual blog. My feelings. My struggles. My desires.

That being said...

It's been a year since I left for my study abroad trip. It was one of those events that splits up your life in two pieces, "before I studied abroad" and "after I studied abroad". Before I studied abroad, I lived within limits and I did things for other people, in a bad way. I lived for other people, for their happiness. I changed my personality to fit who needed it and I justified it with a lot of different reasons. After I studied abroad, I went through a rough transition figuring out who I really was and I started living for myself, in a good way. I struggled and I fought but I've come out with new Light and as the Lord breaks down barriers, He has shown me that every minute that passes is one I'll never get back.

So here goes nothing (famous last words, right?). Here I am candidly dealing with my struggles and triumphs with the greatest leader of all, Jesus. Forever.