After writing my last blog I thought I'd wait a few days to let the words saturate...a few days turned into a few weeks which turned into a few months. Ten months to be exact. To be honest I really did want to get back into the habit of blogging but it always seemed to get away from me. I'm not sure if I ever was really a consistent "blogger" but boy did I try to be. And try again I will!
A few days ago I was spending time in prayer, seeking encouragement desperately (per usual) and I had this overwhelming feeling that I should look at my old prayers. I've always wanted to sit down and read all my prayers from the past few years but the thought gets away from me and I soon forget about it. Well this time was different. This time I the feeling was so strong that I stopped in the middle of my prayer, picked up my first prayer journal and opened it to the first page. To my amazement I noticed that it was dated three years ago exactly. I read it and was so encouraged by the work the Lord has done in my life! I decided to post in on instagram because of the encouragement I felt and I was overwhelmed by the amount of people that were also encouraged by it.
During a conversation sparked by my instagram post I suddenly realized that other people feel the same as I. Other people are tired and seeking the Lord whole heartily but find themselves deeply unmotivated at times. Real Talk: sometimes when I see my friends posting different things on different social media sites about their walk or their bible on a table at a coffee shop, it strangely discourages me. (That's not to say I think they should stop, I pray they will continue on! I know it warms so many hearts!) The reason it discourages me is, it makes me think I am weird for not desiring God at every moment of my life. It discourages me because it makes me think I am doing something wrong. Even at times, the devil has taken these insecurities and ran so far as to cause me to believe that I am not even one of the Lord's beloved. Even after cognitively acknowledging that those thoughts are not true, I still find myself believing the evil one.
That all being said, in the whirlwind of it, I felt the Lord really telling me I needed to share more. When my friends and loved ones told me how encouraged they were by my honest and helpless prayer, and even more, by what the Lord had done through those prayers, I felt it was almost necessary to spill more out and use it to glorify the Creator.
So, my vision is to post bits & pieces of my old prayers, adding new insights and what the Lord has shown me, each week. I've lifted this up to the Lord and I pray with all I have that this will be used to glorify God 100% and not me even in the slightest. I hope by being honest and sharing where I was just a few short years ago and pointing it back to Jesus will give Him all the glory. I also pray it will motivate others to continue on and not give up! I pray that others will see my struggles and feel that they are not alone!
A wise, wise friend once told me Psalms is a wonderful piece of the Bible because it keeps us honest. One psalm might say "God I see you everywhere! I see you in the grass! In the sky! You are the air I breathe!" While the following one reads "God I can't find you. Where are you! Why have you deserted me."
This is so true for my life! I am hoping my prayers can shed light on the true struggles we face. My theology is a little spotty at times and I may have been slightly confused about how to approach God but my love for Jesus is (and was) pure and hopeful. Of course I will omit all names & minor details but for the most part I promise to give you
candid. struggles. triumphs. Jesus. forever.
